Cease all involvement with anyone that has been an issue. Even if you’ve been the flirty type when interacting with others, keep the flirting to a minimum.
Let her know every day that you have time to listen to anything she has to say. No interruption or arguments about what’s being said; just listen.
If she’s worried about where you’re going and who you’ll be with, ask her along. Or, ask her to call you or let her know you’ll call her and have your phone on video chat, so that she can actually see where you are and who you’re with. Offer to attend something she cares about that you’ve neglected to become involved in. This might be church, a hobby, a sporting activity, etc. Be more open. Show her your online social networking accounts; show her your friend lists, etc. Show her your phone, open for her to see the contact list. Be willing to pick up the phone when she calls. Don’t make her chase you. Keep the clock as your unofficial accountability partner. Don’t be late and don’t have questionable lapses in the time it should take you to get home.
Spending more time together. Be home instead of at the pub, work or the sports field. If she is going to regain trust in you, it’ll only come through attentiveness in the present time, by showing that you are dedicated to being around, spending time with her and being clearly interested in her company. Going through the household needs together. This can be a great time to rearrange who does what to keep the household functioning. Perhaps a new budget, a new chores list, a new way of running the house are in order. Maybe even a new house is in order; moving away from what was to a fresh, clean start can sometimes be just the ticket to restore a relationship. If you have kids, considering whether your parenting approach needs to be improved or changed. Perhaps you have neglected your part of the child raising; if so, you can make changes to spend more time with the kids. Or maybe you only focused on the kids to the exclusion of your wife; once again, you can reorient this skewed slant to be more balanced. Eating supper/dinner at the same table. Do not eat with anything electronic on the table or outside it; such items interfere with your connectedness.
Realize that there will be times when you wonder whether you are having any impact. This is normal. However, it is also hard to bear. At such times, talk to someone about your feelings, such as a trusted friend, a therapist or even a parent if you feel okay with that. You may even feel okay about talking to your spouse about your feelings; your genuine distress may help her to see that you are really trying hard and finding it hard too. Just don’t use it as a reason to seek her pity though; that won’t set your relationship on an even keel, so don’t even try. Use your faith as self-support and for couples support too (if she is willing). At least for yourself, you may find that prayer, contemplation, meditation and/or reflection are pathways of healing for you. Read your faith text, read stories about forgiveness, read about people who have managed to restore lost trust. If your wife and/or family are willing, spend time praying or reflecting together.
