OkCupid, Match. com, Plenty of Fish, and eHarmony all have lesbian communities. If you’re not out, use OKCupid’s ability to hide your profile from straight people. Compatible Partners is an LGBT-only site for people seeking serious relationships. Brenda and Her (which also includes social networking) are lesbian-only hookup/dating apps. Most mainstream dating apps tend to pair lesbians with men, unbelievable as that is. (Anecdotally, Hinge might be an exception. )
Find a group at a local community center or LGBT center. If you’re in the United States, find nearby community centers in the lgbtcenter. org database. If you’re not out to everyone in your life, consider going to events in a nearby town, where people are less likely to run into you.
Concerts are another great meeting spot. Look for bands with LGBT musicians or a significant lesbian fan base.
Don’t send the wrong signal by bringing your straight male friend to a gay or lesbian bar. [1] X Research source
This also applies to online community on social media websites.
A supportive female wingman can help if you need the encouragement. Just don’t act too friendly, or the girl across the room might think you’re a couple. The “is she straight?” guessing game adds an extra challenge to lesbian dating. Making your moves in LGBT spaces can reduce your anxiety, especially when you’re new to the experience.
Turn your whole body to face her, smile, and hold eye contact while she speaks. Drop an occasional small compliment (her eyes, her accessories, something she told you about that you find cool). If she’s responding well, brush your hand against her arm, or lean in to whisper something into her ear.
Equally, if you’ve been out for years and your date is more private about her identity, talk to her about it. Learn each other’s comfort zones early on.
Avoid getting too personal. In the early days, it’s not a good idea to go into any dark histories or personal struggles. Save that for later, when a more lasting commitment is on the table. Never talk about your past relationships on a date. It can be hard to avoid mentioning a name if you’ve been dating a while in a close-knit lesbian community, but that doesn’t mean your date needs to hear about your sex life or emotional bond with another person.
Don’t let the butch/femme dynamic set all your expectations (if that even matches your relationship to begin with). You are not reenacting a heterosexual relationship, and you don’t need to assign “the man” and “the woman” roles. Contrary to some stereotypes, open relationships are not common among lesbians. [2] X Research source That said, mismatched expectations can jump out of nowhere in any relationship. If exclusivity (or the lack of it) is important to you, discuss it before someone gets hurt.
