Start a journal or diary to express your feelings. Write about the things that confuse you or frustrate you. [2] X Trustworthy Source TeensHealth Website run by Nemours, a nonprofit children’s healthcare system, for the purpose of providing teens and young adults with specific health resources Go to source
Ask yourself whether you genuinely don’t like your stepparent, or if it has more to do with not liking that your parent has remarried. [4] X Research source It’s okay to admit that you like your stepparent while still loving both of your parents. Accepting and liking your stepparent doesn’t mean you love your biological parents any less.
If you miss special alone time with your parent, tell your parent you still want to do those special things together. Don’t let your feelings affect your relationship with your stepparent. Your stepparent likely wants your approval and isn’t intentionally trying to hurt you. [6] X Research source
Take some deep breaths to help you stay calm. It can be especially hard to keep your cool when your stepparent is yelling or angry. Choose to be mature and stay calm.
Recognize if you take your negative emotions out on your stepparent. You may feel confused or upset about changes and then fight with or blame your stepparent. Acknowledge these emotions and try to find less harmful ways to express your emotions. Try your best to pinpoint what it is that is making you so upset. [9] X Research source The more specific you can get, the more likely you can communicate respectfully and address the real problem. So instead of just thinking, “I hate her!” you may find that you’re really angry because your stepmom always expects you to babysit your younger step sibling, even when you have made other plans. Learn to identify and accept your emotions without blaming other people or judging yourself. [10] X Research source It’s okay to feel mad, upset, frustrated, enraged, etc. Expressing your emotions in a healthy ways can include writing, drawing, dancing, singing, and talking about how you feel.
There’s a difference between saying “You always tell me to babysit when you know I have plans with my friends” and “I already made plans with my friends and I’d like to enjoy my time with them. ”
Even if you really want to say something, wait for your stepparent to finish speaking, then talk.
A fight is not an appropriate time for sarcasm. Instead of saying, “I can’t believe you’re so stupid, how can you say that?” consider saying “I disagree with you and feel misunderstood. ”
It’s easier to have these conversations when you are both calm and available. Don’t try to have this conversation during a fight.
Express your thoughts and feelings, and let your stepparent know that you want things to go smoothly in your relationship. Keep a positive mindset and don’t let the discussion turn into a fight. Chances are, your stepparent wants to get along and may not know how to reach out to you. It can be helpful to have discussions with your parent and stepparent together, especially if you’re nervous to share how you feel. Ask your parent to support you in finding common ground with your stepparent. Don’t expect your parent to “take your side,” but allow your parent to assist in the conversation going smoothly.
Consider talking to a school counselor. If things are really tense and don’t seem to be getting any better, you might also talk to your parent about doing some family therapy. [17] X Research source
Ask your friends how they get along with their stepparents, or what things have helped create a better relationship.
