The stages of grief are denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance. [4] X Research source Until you have reached the acceptance phase, any urge you have to rekindle a relationship with an ex should be viewed with suspicion.
“Hi! I have been thinking about you a lot, and so I wanted to get in touch. How have you been?” “Hey, hope you’re doing well. Would you want to catch up sometime?"[13] X Expert Source Suzanna MathewsDating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 18 August 2021. “Dear [insert ex’s name], I know it has been a long time since we talked, but I realize that I miss you a lot. It would be great if we could catch up sometime. Let me know what you think about that!” “I just heard a song on the radio that made me think of you. I know that I am probably not your favorite person right now, but I would love it if we could hang out soon. How does that sound?”
Show genuine interest in how your ex has been doing. Ask about their job, their family, their hobbies. Be happy for them if they have been accomplishing great things, even if it was without you. Be aware that your ex might have moved on already. Perhaps your ex started dating somebody else or is even in a serious relationship. If your ex seems happy in a new relationship, consider scuttling your plans to rekindle a romantic relationship and instead focus on your friendship.
“I’m so glad that we are friends again, but I think it might be a good idea for us to revisit what exactly went wrong in our romantic relationship. Do you think we could talk about that sometime next week?” “I’ve been thinking a lot about why it is we broke up in the first place. Is that something you’ve been thinking about too? Perhaps we should schedule a time to discuss it. How is this Thursday looking for you?”
Describe why you think the relationship would work this time around or what steps you’ve taken to grow and change. [18] X Expert Source Suzanna MathewsDating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
Make sure that you listen to your ex in a cooperative way, not in an adversarial way. You want to prevent this conversation from becoming an argument. Remember that this conversation is a positive thing and an opportunity for growth. [21] X Research source
State clearly that you are remorseful for what happened. Take responsibility for your actions. Find a way to make it up to your ex. Promise that you will change, and then keep that promise.
“I have loved getting to know you again through our friendship, and I’m glad that we talked about what went wrong when we were dating. I think that the two of us might be ready to get back together. What do you think?” “I really value this friendship we’ve developed, and it makes me hopeful that the two of us might be able to be more than friends. Do you feel the same way?” “I really care about you, and, if you were up for it, I would like us to begin dating again. I know that we have had our share of hardships, but I think that they have made us stronger. "
Your ex might be especially worried that you might dump him or her again. [26] X Research source Be patient with your ex’s (understandable) anxiety. While you cannot guarantee what the future holds, you can guarantee that you will work and try your hardest to deepen the relationship and support your partner.
Going for a weekly date. Giving a nice gift. Verbally affirming your love and devotion. Expressing your appreciation when your partner does something kind or helpful. Participating in your partner’s hobbies and causes.
