Think of kindness as a kind of cure for rudeness. If a jerk receives enough kind treatment and doesn’t feel the need to be on the offensive all the time, they may begin to change their ways. [2] X Research source Practicing kindness also keeps you from being at fault. Rather than seeing two people bickering, those around you will view the situation as it is—a mean person acting hostile towards a nice person.
Projecting an assertive appearance may discourage a jerk from lashing out altogether. [4] X Research source Even if it doesn’t convince a jerk to lay off, an attitude of confident superiority will make you feel more secure. There will be no need for you to get involved in a dispute.
Not only is smiling and laughing a good way to neutralize people with bad intentions, it can actually make you feel better the more you do it. [6] X Research source
Find ways of rebuking a jerk without appearing like you’re trying to pick a fight. This can usually be accomplished by taking issue with the person’s words or actions, not them themselves. [8] X Research source Show empathy toward other individuals that become targets of a jerk’s abuse. This type of compassion reinforces that person’s humanity and may cause an aggressor to rethink what they’re doing.
Take the lead. Sometimes, people will be afraid to speak up until they see someone else doing it. Be the one to let the jerk know that what they’re doing is unacceptable and others will follow suit. [10] X Research source
By confronting a jerk head-on, while being careful not to get worked up or incite an argument, you’re stripping them of their power. Keep your cool and respond in a matter-of-fact tone. Never resort to name calling or angry, nasty attacks when cutting a jerk down to size. You’ll just be playing their game.
Don’t spend your time around people who make a habit of being malicious. It’s better to just avoid them altogether when you can. It may seem childish, but if a jerk’s every barbed comment is met with silence, they’ll have no choice but to desist. Carrying on would just be like talking to a wall.
Remember, the only person that has control over your emotions is you yourself.
Try to stay poised and reasonable. Write off the jerk’s behavior the way you would explain a scientific fact. Take care not to come across as on-edge when denouncing a jerk. It may seem like their behavior is getting to you, and this could potentially just egg them on.
The jerk might interpret you leaving as a sign of victory: they got to you so bad that you fled in disgrace. Let them think that. There’s no sense in arguing with them. If you don’t even care to be around them, why bother trying to change their perception?
Breathing helps sooth your autonomic nervous (fight or flight) response and gives you something to fix your mind on other than coming up with something to say or do in retaliation. Draw in a deep breath, hold it to the count of 3, then exhale. Do this 4 or 5 times. Imagine that the irritation you feel is slipping out with each breath.
Give yourself thirty seconds to a minute to consider your possible reaction before acting it out. At the end of that time, you’ll probably think better of it. [15] X Research source
Talking to the people around you will also take their attention away from the jerk, meaning they won’t get the conflict that they crave. If all else fails, pull out your phone and pretend to text a friend. That way, you can ignore an antagonist without the need to just sit in uncomfortable silence.
Arguing with a jerk only serves to validate their conduct. There may be times when it’s necessary to speak out against a jerk, like when the person just won’t stop, or when they’re bullying someone else around you. In these cases, try to take a stand without coming off as aggressive. This can just motivate a jerk to push back even harder. [18] X Research source
