Try not to hang out in spaces where you know your ex usually goes. It’s also probably a good idea to unfriend or unfollow each other on social media. If one or both of you has decided it’s really better to break up, getting some space will help you avoid the pull to get back together or hook up one last time—either of which will likely just prolong the end. [2] X Expert Source Sarah Schewitz, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 April 2019. If you’re not sure you want to be broken up, taking some time apart will help both of you sort through your feelings and figure out what you want to do.
It’s totally normal to need some time off during a breakup, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you need to cut back your hours at work or school. [4] X Research source After a few days, gradually start working your way back into a normal, healthy routine. It’s okay if you still feel sad longer than this, but you have to start moving forward to feel better. Don’t mask how you’re feeling with things like drugs, alcohol, junk food, or a rebound relationship. Those won’t help you work through your feelings, and they can make it harder to move on in the long run.
Do things that make you feel relaxed and special, too—like getting a massage, taking a long bath, or going to a favorite restaurant with a supportive friend. Try saying positive affirmations out loud to yourself, like “I love myself and I am enough. “[6] X Expert Source Laura BilottaDating Coach Expert Interview. 26 February 2020. Spending time in nature can be a great way to boost your mood, so try getting outside for a walk, hike, or picnic. [7] X Research source Remember, just because you still care about your ex doesn’t mean you should stop caring about yourself![8] X Expert Source Sarah Schewitz, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
If you’re not comfortable opening up, try writing about your feelings in a journal. It’s a private way to work through your emotions so they don’t feel so bottled up. If you’re not sure who to talk to, try joining a local support group or reach out to a therapist.
When you’re ready, open yourself up to going on dates with new people. Even if you’re not ready for another serious relationship, it can help to see what else is out there.
Eat whatever you want Go to bed and wake up on your own schedule Pick shows and movies to watch Travel freely See friends and family anytime Be as messy or as neat as you want
Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes—what do you think they wanted to see from you? For instance, if you had trouble communicating, they might have just needed to feel heard. If the issues are something you can’t compromise on—like one of you wants children and the other doesn’t, or one of you thinks money and status are important and the other values family time—you might use that lesson to help you choose a more compatible partner in your next relationship. Try reading books on personal growth, listen to podcasts on healing from breakups, or talk to a therapist. All of these things can help you get insight into what you can learn from the relationship. [13] X Expert Source Sarah Schewitz, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll be alone forever,” replace that with something like, “I’m funny and smart, and I’ll find the right person one day. " If you need to, make a list of all of your best qualities, then read over them when you’re having trouble feeling confident.
This way, you’re still allowing yourself to process what you feel, but you’re not letting the breakup interfere with your job, parenting, or other responsibilities.
Don’t expect them to be your best friend, though. It’s probably better to always have a little distance between you if you can’t be together romantically.
For instance, if you broke up because one of you wanted children and the other didn’t, you should only get back together if one of you definitely changed their minds. If you broke up because your ex wasn’t ready to commit, they’ll need to prove to you that they’re ready to be in a serious relationship now.
