Ask a friend or family member for help. Most people can sympathize with love on some level, and they might be able to tell you about their own experiences overcoming a crush. Even if they don’t have personal experience with this problem, they can still give you some level-headed advice. Keep your eyes peeled for examples. Once you start looking for it, you’ll see countless examples of other people struggling. Books, movies, songs, and even news stories often center on someone grappling with an impossible crush. Pay extra attention to the ones where someone gets over it, and note what you can learn.
Consider writing down a few pages about how you feel. Taking some time to express your emotional turmoil can help you feel like you’re putting it behind you. List the reasons why you developed feelings for the other person, and why it’s not going to work. Write it in a private journal, or on a password-protected word processing document. Or, write it on a few loose pieces of paper and burn them later. State your feelings out loud. You don’t have to tell anyone else how you feel, but verbalizing your problem out loud — even if you’re the only person in the room — can help it seem real and approachable. It can be as simple as saying “I have a crush on Steve, and I hate that I feel this way. "
Don’t be demanding or creepy, try to avoid talking about the physical side of your feelings, as that’s not relevant to what you really want to know. Simply tell them how much you care about them, and that you just want to know if they feel the same. Make it clear you still want to be friends with them (although you may need time apart to get over your feelings), and that you want them to be honest. Writing your crush a letter may be better for several reasons. It makes it easier for you to explain how you feel without getting stuck, and it also puts less pressure on them. Give your crush a letter explaining your feelings, and ask them to read it later when they’re alone. Don’t contact them for a day, just to allow them time to think about what you’ve told them. Try talking to them the next day when you have time alone. If they avoid you, understand they’re probably just a little intimidated and confused, just give your crush space and try again in a while.
Don’t confuse this with personal failure. The fact that you can’t be with your crush has nothing to do with your inherent self-worth. Relationships don’t work out for a multitude of reasons, and most of them are problems that can’t be changed or improved. Some things are beyond your control. [6] X Expert Source Erika KaplanRelationship Advisor Expert Interview. 1 October 2020. Accept the things about yourself that prevented them from having feelings for you. Heartbreak typically begins with denial, try to skip that stage. Accept that perhaps you just weren’t compatible. Be open to correcting flaws in yourself if you want to improve your chances next time, but make sure not to confuse flaws with differences. Bad hygiene is a flaw and something you can fix. Liking a different kind of music, or being a more introverted person is not, and you shouldn’t try to force yourself to change them. It may seem like you’d do anything to be with the person, but deep down, what you desire more than anything is for them to love you as you are. Even if changing for them possibly resulted in them falling in love with the new you, the relationship would likely quickly fall apart after the initial novelty. Avoid becoming embarrassingly stubborn. It might go deeply against your grain to admit that you can’t do something, and in most situations, perseverance is an admirable trait. There are times, though, when perseverance morphs into desperation and stupidity. Chasing an impossible crush is one of those times. Let it go.
If you’re crushing on a close friend: Make yourself less available. If you want to try to preserve the friendship, aim to spend as little time as possible with the other person right now without hurting his or her feelings. Or, if you trust your friend to respond compassionately, explain your problem and state that you just need a little space right now. If you’re crushing on a mutual friend: If the friend of a friend is the problem, try to bow out of group social events gracefully. If you have to, explain the issue to your first friend so that he or she won’t take it personally. If you’re crushing on someone at school: Take this opportunity to work harder on your studies, and distract yourself from your crush. Every time you’re tempted to think about him or her, open a book or drill flashcards instead. Take different routes to class or sit elsewhere at lunch if you have to. If you’re crushing on a co-worker: Focus more on your work. For the time being, avoid group lunches, casual mid-day conversations, and events like happy hour. If you’re crushing on someone you can’t physically avoid: Mentally distance yourself instead. Being in the same room as someone doesn’t mean you have to think about them, too. Think about whatever task you’re doing, or daydream about all the awesome things you’ll do someday — without your crush.
Find people who share your hobbies. Love trivia? Swing by a few local pubs and ask about the next trivia night. Into writing? Look around online or inquire at local colleges to find a new critique group. Play sports? Search online for intramural leagues, or look up the local chapters of leagues like the World Adult Kickball Association. The possibilities are endless! Get involved in service. Volunteer at a local shelter, or contact an organization that champions a cause you care about, like humane treatment of animals or environmental clean-up. Attend a few service events and strike up some conversations with like-minded helpers. Take advantage of school or extracurricular groups. If you’re already attending a school or an organization that offers extracurricular activities, get involved! Party-planning committees (like for Prom), choir, or sports leagues are all possibilities.
Give yourself a mini-makeover (even if you’re a guy!): Is your wardrobe feeling a little stale? Have you had the same hairstyle for too long? Pick up a few new, confidence-boosting pieces for your closet, or investigate a new haircut or color. If you’re not sure how to navigate your options, ask a particularly stylish friend or family member for help. Get organized. If it’s been a while since you’ve cleaned out your closet/car/garage/basement, get on it! Sorting through old junk can be a meditative process, and you’ll probably feel relaxed and accomplished when you’re done. Work out. Exercise clears the mind — when you’re so focused on pushing your body, you can’t afford to worry about much else besides breathing and moving. Take up running, swimming, biking, or another activity that can both improve your body and de-junk your mind. Practice positive self-talk. It sounds silly, but it really works. Look at yourself in the mirror a few times a day, and say whatever it is that you need to hear. It might be “You’ll find someone better” or “No one is worth all this moping. " Repeat it until you believe it.
Realize that you don’t see this person realistically. Limerence, or the overwhelming feeling of infatuation that you feel around your crush, can throw you out of logical thinking patterns and make you idealize your crush[12] X Research source . Repeat to yourself that no matter how you feel, no one is perfect, not even your crush, and recognize that you are intentionally overlooking their flaws. Treat it like a substance addiction. You wouldn’t point a recovering alcoholic toward a bar, so don’t put yourself in situations where you’re tempted to fuss over your crush. Steer clear of intimate situations and avoid frequent contact, even if it’s over text or chat and not in person. Don’t just transfer your feelings to a new target. Finding a new person to attach all your feelings to is another form of relapsing — you might not be crushing on the same person, but you’re feeling the same emotions. Making someone your substitute isn’t fair to them, because you’re not seeing them for who they are, and it’s not fair to you, because you’re allowing yourself to fall back into the same cycle.
Don’t make someone else responsible for your happiness. Sure, maybe your crush didn’t respond to your affections as you had hoped. Maybe they even made it worse by teasing you or flirting incessantly, knowing full well how you felt. But whatever happened, the only person charged with making you happy is you. You’re responsible for taking yourself out of a bad situation and moving forward, so don’t hold your crush accountable for making you miserable. Try to wish them all the best. If you truly care about someone, you want to see that person find happiness — even if it’s not with you. Resist the urge to become angry or start making comparisons if your crush starts dating someone else. Try to cultivate a spirit of being happy when the people you like are happy.
Think deeply about your crush and find as many ugly characteristics as you can find. List it down on a piece of paper and read it repeatedly. When you see them around, do not look at the good. Remember everything you wrote and don’t lose focus.
