Accept that you cannot avoid the uncomfortable feelings of withdrawal from your ex. You are not letting go because you want to, but because you have to in order to be the happiest and healthiest version of you. Recognize that every day brings you closer to healing and happiness. Be kind to yourself and accept that you will be functioning at a less than optimal level for a little while.
Spend some time exploring who you are now, and forge your own identity. Serving as your own support system means you won’t be let down or disappointed. Engage in activities that you’re ex didn’t enjoy or wouldn’t do with you. Eat foods that he didn’t like and watch movies that he wouldn’t see with you.
Consider if you had to do it all over again, would you choose this person as a partner. The answer may cause you to think about the relationship in a new way. Especially if the break up is still fresh, don’t feel pressured to make any decisions regarding your old relationship or its future. Your ability to focus exclusively on healing will take some pressure off of the next few months. Remember that you broke up for a reason. The pain you’re now experiencing is temporary, but it is likely there were real issues in the relationship that were permanent.
Another unexpected, but great, aspect to crying is that you’re reminded how huge your capacity to care for others can be, and that you still have the ability to love. If you think you’d benefit from a good cry, but would like to do it in private, try taking a shower or going on a long walk to a secluded park.
You’ll feel satisfied on an emotional level for taking charge of your own mind and body. If you decide to join a group exercise activity, such as a spinning class or sports team, you may even form a valuable support system by making new friends.
Consider joining a support group filled with people who are going through the same experience you are. Sometimes it’s easier to share your true feelings with strangers. If there is no one in your life you feel comfortable reaching out to, find a therapist or counselor who specializes in loss. Develop new friendships. [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Chances are that you didn’t have as much time to form new bonds when you were with your boyfriend, or you may feel that you lost your network along with the break up. Take a class or volunteer so you have the opportunity to interact with others who you share the same interests as.
Were you always proud of your ability to write thoughtful poems, but he didn’t appreciate you for it? Put this one at the top of your list. Alternately make a list of obstacles you’ve overcome and hardships you’ve persevered through. Recognizing how resilient you’ve been in the past, reminds you that you can do it in the present.
Writing down your goals, rather than simply imagining them, will help them seem real and make you more likely to hold yourself accountable. Your goals can be anything from working towards a promotion at your job to simply flossing your teeth everyday. The idea is to feel good about yourself and your accomplishments.
Giving back and showing kindness towards others has been proven to relieve symptoms of depression. [8] X Research source People will be more likely to help and support you in your time of need.
Put yourself out there to meet new people and even flirt if someone catches your interest. You might be surprised at the number of decent, interesting people who attract your attention now that you’re more open to meeting them. Ask your friends to partake in a girls night out with you, where you have fun together and meet new people.
Make small changes such as where you shop for groceries or go to get your hair done. The idea is to feel like you’ve created an entirely different life for yourself. If there were any hobbies or interests that you found yourself giving up on while you were with your ex, try to rediscover your passion for them.
Envision a time when you were supportive, loving and loyal to those around you. Determine who is behind the guilt that you’re feeling. Are your friends wishing you would get back together with your ex or is he manipulating you in some way? Determining which feelings are someone else’s and which are your own is important for figuring out if the guilt is warranted or not.
If you shared a mutual friend with your ex who you still care about, try not to let the nature of the friendship change now that you’re no longer together.
Allow yourself to learn from past mistakes, but understand that no two men are the same.
If the type of man that you’re drawn to keeps hurting you, address the reasons behind why you’re drawn to this type of relationship. Talk with those closest to you who saw the nature of your relationship first-hand. Ask them for help in constructively evaluating what went wrong with your ex.
True closure can be difficult if there is still dialogue between the two of you. A clean break will make acceptance of the end unavoidable. If he is the one contacting you, consider changing your phone number and email address. Delete him from your social media accounts so you aren’t forced to inadvertently think about him throughout the day when you login to your accounts and he’s posted an update. If you don’t want to delete him altogether, most apps have ways of blocking people, as well.
There is a chance you could develop an addiction, producing another issue to overcome. It’s possible you could drive away friends and potential future mates with this harmful behavior.
