Think about how you feel around your boyfriend. If he’s manipulating you, you’re likely drained or exhausted in his presence. You probably feel like you cannot trust him. You likely often catch him lying or stretching the truth.
Do not beat around the bush. Get right to the point during the talk. Say something like, “I wanted to talk to you because I don’t want to see you anymore. This isn’t working and I’m not happy. " With a manipulative person, it may not be worth it to get into the nitty gritty details. If your boyfriend is manipulative by nature, he may try to deny what you’re saying. Try to keep things simple. Say something like, “I don’t feel comfortable in the relationship anymore and I think we would both be better off with someone else. "
Avoid bringing up past hurt feelings or arguments. This will only fuel feelings of negativity on both sides, leading to a needlessly aggressive breakup. If your boyfriend asks questions about your decision, firmly restate that you simply don’t feel the relationship is working for you anymore. Use “I” statements about how you’re feeling rather than blaming them with “you” statements. For example, you could say “I don’t feel like my decisions are respected” rather than saying “You don’t respect what I do. “[4] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
Do not text or call your ex. Try not to engage with him on social media. If necessary, delete him on social media outlets and block his number. [7] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 29 December 2020. If you’re in a situation where you have to see your ex, keep conversation cordial but do not engage more than you have to. If you, say, work with your ex, be polite at business meetings and offer a friendly “Hello” in the morning, but do not engage in small talk during downtime at the office.
Block his number on your phone. If you’ve changed addresses, don’t let him know where you are. Block him on all social media outlets, such as Facebook and Twitter.
Oftentimes, if you’re with a manipulative person long-term, you will learn to seek out their approval. Even after your ex is gone, you may hear his voice in your head. This can tempt you to return to him. You will be especially tempted if your ex is trying to contact you. Learn to shut out his voice in your head. Remember, you do not think highly of this person anymore. You have recognized him as manipulative. Why does it matter what he thinks of you?
Let people know what’s going on. Make it clear you’re escaping from a dysfunctional relationship and you need support. Have people you can turn to if your ex tries to contact you. Have a game plan in the event your ex tries to get in touch again. You can, for example, have a friend agree to come over in the event your ex starts calling you excessively.
When ruminating over your ex, it can help to find ways to physically ground yourself in the present. Pay attention to your physical surroundings. Tune into things like your breath, the temperature, what you’re looking at and touching, and so on. Keep in mind that you don’t need to interact with the other person to experience closure on a relationship.
Remember, it’s better to feel the pain now than let it come out in different ways later. Allow yourself to cry, be angry, feel regret, or experience any other negative emotions. It’s better to feel such things than trying to push them down or ignore them. While these emotions are painful now, remember they are temporary. If you don’t deal with the pain directly, you may end up in a rebound relationship. You may also end up going back to your ex to avoid the pain. Even when the pain is very hard to live with, remind yourself how much healthier it is to embrace the pain. Take the time to process your emotions. Before you distract yourself with a movie or video game, ask yourself what it is you are feeling and what it means. Feel the sensations in your body and how they are connected to your emotions. Identify the emotions you are having — are you sad? Angry? Relieved?[15] X Research source If you are sad, ask yourself what you have lost. If you are angry, ask how you or your values have been attacked. Try writing about these feelings or expressing yourself through art. Meditate, exercise, and talk to your therapist or friends about how you feel. These are all good ways to cope with the pain.
Is there anything you gave up for the relationship? For example, maybe you had friends your boyfriend did not want you to see. Maybe you had hobbies he was threatened by. Get back to your old self. See friends you did not have time for before. Take up a hobby or interest that went neglected during your relationship.
Remember, a manipulator will be good at identifying your weak spots and exploiting them. Even though you may really feel you were at fault, your boyfriend is probably picking at your insecurities. You may, for example, worry you’re a little emotionally distant at times. Your boyfriend may have picked up on this and claimed your emotional distance is what made him cheat, as he did not feel valued enough. Remind yourself you deserve love and respect. If your boyfriend was not providing that, that is his problem. He cannot blame it on your behavior. Your boyfriend is responsible for how he treats others.
Make a list of behaviors you will no longer tolerate. Use this relationship as a guide to better your standards. For example, you can start you list with something like, “I will no longer go out of my way to please someone who has unreasonable expectations for my behavior. "
Remind yourself loneliness, like all emotions, is temporary. You will be lonely for awhile after a breakup. This is a normal part of the process, even if it’s a difficult one. Remember that you will not always be lonely. After you’ve taken time to heal, you will find a new relationship. Hopefully, this new romance will be healthier for you than your last one. Whenever you experience loneliness, try to express gratitude. You can think something like, “I am so grateful that I escaped the pain of that relationship. This feeling of loneliness means I was strong enough to leave someone who didn’t treat me well. " Being alone can actually be fantastic. Use your fee time to pursue your interests and find new things you enjoy. Take time to reflect on what you’ve learned from this relationship.
Try to figure out how to handle negative emotions in a healthy way. For example, when you’re feeling lonely, what will you do? You do not want to resort to calling your ex out of loneliness. Make a plan regarding how to deal with loneliness that does not involve contacting your ex. For example, you can say to yourself, “If I’m lonely, I’ll call a friend and make plans” or “If I’m lonely, I’ll read a book or watch a movie. "
For example, challenge yourself to avoid checking your ex’s social media for a week. If you pull it off, buy yourself a new outfit.
Remember why it ended. If feelings of regret creep in, go over the various betrayals and manipulations in your mind. This will help you accept that the relationship is over and move forward. [23] X Research source
