An inferiority complex that comes from childhood can be caused by neglect, overly critical or shaming parents, bullying, exposure to negative messages in the media, or not getting to experience positive social experiences. An inferiority complex developed as an adult can occur when you feel that you aren’t able to accomplish things you set out to do, or when you feel harassed by your family, partner, or coworkers. Both types of an inferiority complex are associated with low self-esteem and making unfavorable comparisons between yourself and others.
You may find yourself getting into relationships expecting the other person to fill a void in you. You may feel an urge to hide your true feelings and to instead put on a false face to convince people you’re better than you think you are. You may isolate yourself from others. You may develop compulsive behaviors like shopping, overeating, drinking, or collecting. You may try to control, blame, or harm other people. You may be unable to accept compliments. You may be easy to manipulate or may conform easily. You may experience feelings of anxiety, reluctance to trust others, low self-worth, and fear of rejection.
Reflect on your past. Try to remember experiences that could have caused the inferiority complex. Some of these might be buried deep because of how painful they are. [3] X Research source
Do you feel inferior to attractive people? People with more money? Smarter people? Successful people? Try to go from one of those to a specific name of someone in your life. When you figure that out, ask yourself how those people or that person isn’t superior to you. Can he play the piano like you? Does he have your work ethic? Your caring attitude? Your family values?[4] X Research source
Your perceived flaws do not control you. Even if you have a large chin, are overweight, or are bald, that doesn’t define you. That’s one small part of you. It only controls and defines you if you let it. [5] X Research source
Since everyone has flaws, this is not a reason for a complex. The over-exaggeration of your flaw and the self-consciousness you develop because of it causes the feelings of inferiority. The inferiority is made up and in your head.
You can get inspired by people. That means you look up to them and take some of their traits and put them into yourself. But the important difference is you are still you. You aren’t trying to copy someone else or be someone else. You are using them as a positive guide while still being true to yourself.
Sometimes these judgments are real, but many times they are imaginary. Focus on making yourself happy without worrying about what others think. And try not to make up people’s judgments. Remind yourself that you have no way of knowing what someone is really thinking or what is really happening in their life. Even if you think someone has it all, they may have the same insecurities as you do. Focus on your strengths and successes, not on what others might think of you. Make decisions on your own without asking for someone else’s opinion so you build your confidence. [8] X Expert Source Jennifer Guttman, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 July 2021.
Include things from all facets of your life. Maybe you think you’re overweight, but you have nice legs, nice feet, or nice hands. Maybe you have a great family, smart children, a good education, drive a nice car, or can crochet well. There are a lot of things that make us up. Try to find the positive things and focus on that.
Focusing on the strengths, values, and positive assets you possess now is much more fulfilling. Learning to accept these things can help you move towards a happier life.
You don’t have to lie to yourself and say, “He will love me because I’m the most beautiful. " Instead, speak about yourself in positive, realistic terms. “I am attractive/worthy of someone’s affections. I am a kind, generous person who people want to be friends with. " Reroute negative self-talk and beliefs by correcting yourself when you do it. For example, if you think, “I’m the fattest girl here,” change that thought to, “I look great in this new dress, and everyone is going to see how stylish I am. " Don’t compare yourself to unrealistic goals. For example, if you start to negative self-talk because you only ran three miles instead of the five you planned, switch it around. Say, “Wow, I’ve just started running and made it through three miles. That’s great progress. I’ll keep working until I hit my goal. " By noticing and changing your negative self-talk, you can build your confidence and self-esteem.
Remove labels you have attached to yourself. Don’t think of yourself as stupid, ugly, unsuccessful, a failure, or anything else. Refuse to use them when you think about yourself. [14] X Research source
Although your confidence should come from yourself, it is helpful to be friends with people who accept you. This helps break down the false notion that everyone judges and criticizes you.
Volunteering can help give you a sense of accomplishment and pride. This can help you feel less inferior because you are giving back to your community. It also helps you stop feeling low and feeling like a burden.
